A short story.
Alternative title: "Tebaldiani" or "Poor Thing."
A gay couple, Mark and Daniel, are on the verge of a breakup--this despite what brought them together--their love for Maria Callas and hatred for Renata Tebaldi. If you want to get them mad, just talk about how the Tebaldi fans (the Tebaldiani) went to the Met when Maria appeared there just to boo poor Maria. The nerve!
Mark and Daniel would break up now, but they've rented a cottage on Fire Island for three weekends, so they have to wait.
On the first weekend, it seems that everyone is deeply in love--or on the make. Mark and Daniel are neither-nor.
On Saturday night, Daniel lingers at the disco after Mark leaves. Daniel goes home with an anonymous bodybuilder. Getting back to their cottage, Mark doesn't even ask for sex. Daniel imagines Mark can smell the testosterone right on him.
The next day, Mark meets Jacob--who's ridiculously similar to Mark in every way. They compare notes on menswear designers, restaurants, bridge, even favorite kinds of clouds (cumulus are vulgar, they both agree). Daniel isn't jealous, he's relieved. It all happens so naturally! Mark will be better off, Daniel tells himself.
The second weekend, Daniel bows out and lets Mark go to Fire Island alone, knowing full well Mark will consummate the affair with Jacob, and then he (Daniel) will soon be off the hook. The whole thing will end naturally--because of Mark, not Daniel. Daniel will be able to leave guilt-free.
The third weekend, Mark and Daniel go for their last weekend on the island, probably their last weekend together. Jacob's there constantly, almost flaunting this blossoming relationship.
But just as they're all to leave, Jacob reveals his deep passion for--Renata Tebaldi! Mark and Daniel take turns heaping scorn upon her, humiliating Jacob.
Mark and Daniel have a good laugh on the ferry ride home, and they talk about Maria. How Maria suffered, poor thing.
Perhaps Mark and Daniel will give things just one or two weekends more.
--E. R. O'Neill
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Two-Hander.
A two-person play in the most traditional vein.
An aging has-been Broadway star, long-since forgotten, molders in his Connecticut abode.
His manservant offstage is never seen.
The star spends his time replying to fan letters written decades earlier: now he finally has the time.
Remarkably, one recipient a reply some months back shows up at his doorstep. She cherishes the memory of a performance he gave long ago. She can remember the most minute detail.
Sadly, many of these details are wrong. It is not clear if she actually saw this performance, misremembered it, or mixed up this actor with some other.
Or is she sent to exact some strange revenge?
The two become locked in conflict--which can only mean, given the logic of commercial drama, that they will end up in each others (wrinkled) arms.
The angry has-been ham and the dotty would-be fan: a match made in heaven.
--E. R. O'Neill
An aging has-been Broadway star, long-since forgotten, molders in his Connecticut abode.
His manservant offstage is never seen.
The star spends his time replying to fan letters written decades earlier: now he finally has the time.
Remarkably, one recipient a reply some months back shows up at his doorstep. She cherishes the memory of a performance he gave long ago. She can remember the most minute detail.
Sadly, many of these details are wrong. It is not clear if she actually saw this performance, misremembered it, or mixed up this actor with some other.
Or is she sent to exact some strange revenge?
The two become locked in conflict--which can only mean, given the logic of commercial drama, that they will end up in each others (wrinkled) arms.
The angry has-been ham and the dotty would-be fan: a match made in heaven.
--E. R. O'Neill
Psychotherapy--Now!
A movie.
It takes its title from a book that circulates amongst the characters.
The book promises quick solutions to difficult life problems.
We see the characters and their problems. We see they have the book--each of them comes across it differently.
Than at a few points each's story is interrupted for a voiceover passage from the book, explaining how their problem could be 'solved,' more or less instantly, or sometimes long and painfully.
The book's advice is very strange and completely out of touch with the complex realities of human suffering.
The characters never try these solutions, or only do so half-heartedly.
Indeed, we're not sure if they've really read the book, or merely happen to come across it, and then the book's edifying wisdom is shared with the viewer.
Instead, the characters continue to screw up their lives in yet more creative ways.
Remarkably, some of their lives get better--quite suddenly, either through a change of heart, or through chance.
Others just continue on in the same ruts with no end in sight.
A comedy.
--E. R. O'Neill
It takes its title from a book that circulates amongst the characters.
The book promises quick solutions to difficult life problems.
We see the characters and their problems. We see they have the book--each of them comes across it differently.
Than at a few points each's story is interrupted for a voiceover passage from the book, explaining how their problem could be 'solved,' more or less instantly, or sometimes long and painfully.
The book's advice is very strange and completely out of touch with the complex realities of human suffering.
The characters never try these solutions, or only do so half-heartedly.
Indeed, we're not sure if they've really read the book, or merely happen to come across it, and then the book's edifying wisdom is shared with the viewer.
Instead, the characters continue to screw up their lives in yet more creative ways.
Remarkably, some of their lives get better--quite suddenly, either through a change of heart, or through chance.
Others just continue on in the same ruts with no end in sight.
A comedy.
--E. R. O'Neill
Notes for a story.
A very honest man--scrupulously so--encounters a ruthless brute.
The ruthless man brutalizes the honest one, who is fragile and over-reacts: he breaks down.
The honest man's reaction is so painful that the brute feels ashamed and tries to assuage the man he's hurt.
But the victim rebuffs him and won't be consoled. And so the brute feels some small degree of shame--a new emotion for him.
Later, the honest man finds an opportunity to harm the brute. It requires doing something unethical--a very small wrong indeed--but he takes the action, even against his own better judgment.
This disrupt the honest man's life. He goes off-kilter. All his habits are disrupted. He cannot maintain his ordinary equilibrium. The very orderliness of his existence has been endangered.
Slowly the honest man recovers his dignity. But he finds a small opportunity to abase himself--when no one's looking. Then he goes back to normal.
Meanwhile, the brute has become obsessed with a rather plain woman whom he had ignored in the past. He shows all signs of being in love with her.
But when he holds her in his arms and makes love to her, he closes his eyes he sees before him the face of the poor honest soul whom he harmed so callously.
--E. R. O'Neill
The ruthless man brutalizes the honest one, who is fragile and over-reacts: he breaks down.
The honest man's reaction is so painful that the brute feels ashamed and tries to assuage the man he's hurt.
But the victim rebuffs him and won't be consoled. And so the brute feels some small degree of shame--a new emotion for him.
Later, the honest man finds an opportunity to harm the brute. It requires doing something unethical--a very small wrong indeed--but he takes the action, even against his own better judgment.
This disrupt the honest man's life. He goes off-kilter. All his habits are disrupted. He cannot maintain his ordinary equilibrium. The very orderliness of his existence has been endangered.
Slowly the honest man recovers his dignity. But he finds a small opportunity to abase himself--when no one's looking. Then he goes back to normal.
Meanwhile, the brute has become obsessed with a rather plain woman whom he had ignored in the past. He shows all signs of being in love with her.
But when he holds her in his arms and makes love to her, he closes his eyes he sees before him the face of the poor honest soul whom he harmed so callously.
--E. R. O'Neill
Saturday, August 9, 2008
My Life In...
Autobiography as series of "My Life In..." chapters.
My Life in Hotels.
My Life in Haircuts.
My Life in Bands.
My Life in Short Stories I Never Wrote.
My Life in My Favorite Songs.
Each chapter devoted to different facet of experience.
The whole emerges, somehow.
My Life in Hotels.
My Life in Haircuts.
My Life in Bands.
My Life in Short Stories I Never Wrote.
My Life in My Favorite Songs.
Each chapter devoted to different facet of experience.
The whole emerges, somehow.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Move Over Apple-tini: Meet the Matcha-tini.
Matcha green tea.
Vodka.
Toast: may your platelets never stick together.
--E. R. O'Neill
Vodka.
Toast: may your platelets never stick together.
--E. R. O'Neill
Monday, July 28, 2008
Novel Entertainments.
A new form of entertainment emerges.
It's a sort of movie, but it happens in a different sort of building.
People lounge there for hours and hours at a time--no one ever asks you to leave--and you can eat as much food as you like during the process.
The movies are normal enough: there are characters, and they have problems and fall in love, and all that stuff.
But the characters are kind of odd. They act strangely. They say "hello" at the end of conversations. They say "I love you" before eating dinner. Some of the little rituals are wrong. The logic of feelings and actions seems upside-down.
People are very taken with this.
The new moviehouses with their infinite quantities of food start out with just a cult following. But slowly they spring up everywhere. More and more people are taken with the delectable food, the charming laziness of long hours spent watching rather inconsequential and odd events unfolding slowly.
People spend hours and hours inside specially-constructed movie theaters watching these strange moving images.
Which is very convenient, because when the aliens who made these movies arrive, it's that much easier to eat the now-fattened audiences.
--E. R. O'Neill
It's a sort of movie, but it happens in a different sort of building.
People lounge there for hours and hours at a time--no one ever asks you to leave--and you can eat as much food as you like during the process.
The movies are normal enough: there are characters, and they have problems and fall in love, and all that stuff.
But the characters are kind of odd. They act strangely. They say "hello" at the end of conversations. They say "I love you" before eating dinner. Some of the little rituals are wrong. The logic of feelings and actions seems upside-down.
People are very taken with this.
The new moviehouses with their infinite quantities of food start out with just a cult following. But slowly they spring up everywhere. More and more people are taken with the delectable food, the charming laziness of long hours spent watching rather inconsequential and odd events unfolding slowly.
People spend hours and hours inside specially-constructed movie theaters watching these strange moving images.
Which is very convenient, because when the aliens who made these movies arrive, it's that much easier to eat the now-fattened audiences.
--E. R. O'Neill
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